


Hope to Hold Onto

by hmweasley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bigotry & Prejudice, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Violence, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Black Malfoy, Pureblood Society (Harry Potter), emotional cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmweasley/pseuds/hmweasley
Summary: Narcissa waits with carefully concealed fear each time Lucius returns home from his meetings. On one such night, she finally hears news that she must act upon.
Relationships: Narcissa Black Malfoy/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	Hope to Hold Onto

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
> help others  
> selfishness  
> being scared of something or someone
> 
> Thank you to Sophie for beta reading.
> 
> You can come talk to me on [Tumblr](http://madetofly.tumblr.com) if you'd like.

Narcissa repressed a shiver as Lucius entered the parlour, still wearing the mask Narcissa loathed. It was meant to evoke fear, yet Lucius would mock her if he knew just how effective it was on her. It was designed to frighten Mudbloods and Muggles after all, not pure-bloods such as themselves.

He discarded the mask on a side table that was thankfully in shadow from the glow of the fireplace. Narcissa watched as he poured himself a glass of firewhisky and took a place in front of the fire, blocking much of Narcissa’s warmth.

Though she inched to the edge of her seat in anticipation of his updates, her heart also raced at the terrifying potential of what he could say.

“The Dark Lord has entrusted me with important news,” Lucius said proudly in the same tone of voice he might use to address an audience of strangers.

“What news?” Narcissa asked.

She straightened her own posture and kept her expression carefully controlled as he turned to regard her with an approving grin. He loved when she showed an interest in his work.

“He has a new target, one that needs to be disposed of immediately.”

Lucius leant forward as he spoke, a dangerous grin on his lips. Narcissa’s stomach tightened. Whoever the Dark Lord had set his sights on, it was someone far more important than the typical Muggles chosen only because of circumstance.

No, this had something to do with the Order of the Phoenix, and with that knowledge, Narcissa was left burying her hands in the folds of her robes to avoid Lucius seeing them shake.

“What target would that be?” she asked.

“The Potters.”

Lucius spat the name with such force that he missed the slight cringe that Narcissa hadn’t been able to contain.

“Why the Potters?” she asked, furrowing her brow as if merely confused. “I know they work for Dumbledore, but are they really so important? The woman is a Mudblood.”

Lucius waved a hand through the air.

“Of course, they’re no real challenge for him. No one is,” he said. “But he has reasons for needing them dead that can only be shared with a few. You can’t expect someone like that to share all their secrets, Narcissa.”

Narcissa knew he was saying, ‘I wasn’t someone he chose to share it to, so I can’t brag to you about all of the details.’ Narcissa could tell how irritated Lucius was by the stiff set of his shoulders as he turned back to the fire.

She didn’t press him on the subject. There was no use in provoking his anger if she would get nothing in return, so she turned to her own possible theories instead.

The Potters had just had a son around the same time Narcissa had given birth to Draco. That was the last time Narcissa had heard from her, and it was forever imprinted in her mind. But surely the child couldn’t be the source of the Dark Lord’s anger. It was hardly more note-worthy than any other half-blood infant in Britain.

“What’s wrong, Narcissa?”

She glanced up to find Lucius watching her with narrowed eyes. Her shoulders had slumped as her mind churned, and she straightened herself once more, her jaw clenched shut.

“Nothing, of course,” she said. “I was merely trying to understand the Dark Lord’s plan. Not that I could ever hope to understand the full extent of his brilliance.”

Phrases like that—thrown out whenever needed—had placated Lucius for years, but something had changed. His gaze didn’t soften as he watched her. Narcissa stared back at him, face impassive. It was the only defense she had.

“Do you feel sympathy for them?” Lucius asked, his voice like gravel. “Are you concerned for a blood traitor and his Mudblood wife?”

Narcissa looked him dead in the eyes, sparks of fire peeking through.

“Be careful what you accuse me of, Lucius,” she said, standing. “Never forget whose lineage goes back farther.”

Without waiting for a response, she left the room with her head held high.

It was a good thing Lucius wasn’t the only Death Eater she knew. Certain others were privy to far more information, and wouldn’t suspect Narcissa of a thing, no matter how many questions she asked.

* * *

Every part of Narcissa was on edge as she paced around the thicket of trees that had long ago become their chosen meeting spot, not that it had been used much in recent months. It was in the middle of nowhere, chosen only because Lily had pointed to it on a map with her eyes closed.

Lily appeared in the clearing, the sound of her Apparition startling Narcissa from her thoughts. She ran to the other woman and threw her arms around her neck, gripping her tightly. Lily returned the embrace without hesitation.

“You got my letter?” Narcissa asked into her hair.

“Of course,” Lily said, her voice wavering. “And I destroyed it immediately just like you instructed.”

Narcissa pulled away just far enough to look at Lily’s face. It was overwhelming to have her close. It had been nearly a year since they’d last dared to meet, and the feelings that Narcissa had been learning to ignore were making themselves known once more.

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard from you,” Lily said softly. “I thought you might never speak to me again.”

Reaching up, she brushed a strand of hair away from Narcissa’s face. Her fingers grazed Narcissa’s cheek as she did so, making the blonde shiver. She tightened her arms around Lily to support herself.

“How could I not tell you?” she asked. “I couldn’t share this in the letter, but… He believes your family are the biggest threat to his power. You’re not safe.”

Lily let out a strained laugh.

“I haven’t been safe for a long time,” she said. “That’s what you get for involving yourself in a war. I knew what the consequences would be.”

She had; Narcissa had too. That was why she’d been terrified when Lily had spoken of joining the Order of the Phoenix back when the war hadn’t quite felt real yet.

She held onto Lily’s robes around her waist, a move that was as much to hold herself up as it was to keep the other woman close.

“Be that as it may, I couldn’t stand by and not do anything. Not when it’s your life at stake.”

Lily’s face contorted into an anguished look that made Narcissa’s stomach churn. She’d been on the receiving end far too many times.

“You could have done a lot more if you hadn’t married Lucius,” Lily said.

There was bitterness in her voice, but she didn’t pull away from their embrace. Narcissa averted her eyes, familiar regret burning at her throat.

“I know,” she said quietly. “I am a coward, but you are not. That’s one of countless things I admire about you.”

Lily’s gaze softened, and she buried her face in Narcissa’s neck, pulling her even closer. Neither one of them should have allowed themselves such a show of affection, but it was impossible not to be selfish when they were playing for their lives.

“Lucius would only tell me so much,” Narcissa whispered, “but Bellatrix was willing to share much more. I know there is a prophecy. Though I do not know what it says, it has convinced him to murder you. He plans to attack your home. You must prepare for him.

She felt, rather than saw, Lily’s nod.

“Of course,” Lily said. “I’m always prepared.”

The two women smiled at each other for a moment, tears stinging at their eyes.

“Don’t worry about me,” Lily said, reaching up to wipe a stray tear from Narcissa’s cheek. “Dumbledore already knew of the prophecy. We’ve prepared. Don’t forget to worry about yourself. You know I don’t trust Lucius Malfoy for a second.”

Narcissa huffed and shook her head.

“Oh, I know,” she said. “I have everything under control. Don’t waste your time thinking about me.”

“You know that’s impossible,” Lily said. “I’ll always think about you, even when I shouldn’t.”

Narcissa nodded, biting at her lip.

“It is the same for me,” she said. “We are intertwined in ways we can never escape, aren’t we?”

In lieu of a spoken answer, Lily pressed a kiss to Narcissa’s cheek.

“We are,” she said, her breath ghosting against Narcissa’s cheek. “But that doesn’t change our circumstances. As much as I wish it did.”

It was tempting to close the gap between them and press her lips to Lily’s. She would have done it too, not caring about the consequences, but Lily pulled away, leaving Narcissa cold in the night’s air.

Their paths had taken them down similar yet opposite paths after all. One of them had come here entirely in secret; the other had come to the full knowledge of the man waiting for her back home. James Potter was accepting in a way that Narcissa had never dreamt possible of a man.

“Thank you,” Lily said with a soft smile that Narcissa drank in eagerly. “I really hope this isn’t the last time we see each other, Narcissa.”

“Me too,” Narcissa said in little more than a whisper.

She stayed in the thicket of trees long after Lily had Disapparated, letting her tears escape before she returned home.

A week later, the news of the Dark Lord’s defeat and the Boy-Who-Lived’s triumph would come, but for the moment, Narcissa at least had hope to hold onto.


End file.
